Sent by: Prem Kumar
Week 8
Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14
Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.
Week 18
Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.
Week 20
Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is our Ramasamy.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room. Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly,
Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
498 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says ' endha ooru ? '
The other candidate answers...
' Thoothukudi pakkam '
"vazhga tamil"
Sent by: Xavier
The year is 2020 and India’s much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.
The astronaut asks them : “Who are you?”
Reply:
“Cameraman Santosh ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK"
Sent by: Teena
|
"U love someone To have as many women as his wife suspects... |
Sent by: Teena
Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call my IT friends too",
He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various
technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he
asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????
The devil says "Twenty dollars".
Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"
Devil says
-
-
-
-
" Calling hell to hell is local Call!!! "
|
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 01P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M . He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
- 'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'
Sent by: Murugan
A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife ' s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh, that?" she said. "That is the money I made from selling the dolls." : )
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
*********************************************************************************
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
*********************************************************************************
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
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Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice
*********************************************************************************
Sent by: Thangaraj
Our super star the ultimate incomparable rajini going to act as a project manager in his next flim so our guys created a punch dialogue for him hw is it?Rajini's advice to all Project Managers. LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST!!.... "Highly tensioned Project Manager or a lengthy coding Programmer can never complete a project successfully". |
Sent by: Kiruthika
The allergists voted to scratch it, and the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the
administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
while the paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!" The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
the radiologists could see right through it, and the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the plastic surgeons said,
"This puts a whole new face on the matter." The podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas;
and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the proctologists left the decision up to the a**holes in Washington.
Sent by: Mr. Venkatraman
An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;
His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome. He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.
Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.
"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .
The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.
'Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!! !!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said, ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying, ‘That would be rude and impolite.’
What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?
Sherman said, ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.
That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Stevie, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
Sent by: Thangaraj
Once upon a time the government with Ruling Party XYZ.. had a vastscrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Ruling Party XYZ Said.. - "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for thejob. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.. - "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. ThenRuling Party XYZ Said.., - "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Ruling Party XYZSaid.. , - "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.., - "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a LegalSecretary. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.., - "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are$18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they lay off the night watchman. Theme of the story: "Current Situation In IT industries" |
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