Identify the birds from their legs

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of small paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.

Our student sat and stared at the test getting anger every minute.

Finally ,he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"

The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, "

You tell me..."

Sent by: Senthil

Fabulous comment on the US economy

Marc Faber comment on US economy - TOO GOOD
Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthlybulletin (June 2008) with the Following:

''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spendthat money at Wal-Mart < http://www.walmart.com/> , the money goes to China.If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer itwill go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. Ifwe purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help theAmerican economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spendit on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still producedin US. I've been doing my part.'
Sent by: Muthu Raman

Different types of Marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing..."

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising..."

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing..."

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations..."

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:” You are very rich!
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition..."

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

Cool Break-up letter. & nice moral!!! :-):-):-):-)

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky

Moral of the story:

If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.

If We Cannot love the person whom we see,

How can we love the God,

Whom We Cannot See?

Sent by: Senthil

Governance System!!!

As a daily habit, the 10-year Old Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
" Its Like...", father said while thinking, " See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep
so Pintu went to the Maid's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".
Pintu replied, " Yeah Dad, I understood! When money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man
is suffering!"

Sent by: Anusha

X-C-LENT REPLIES (MISS UNIVERSE CONTEST)

AMERICA

Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman....... ......... .........

(Applause! Applause!)

SPAIN

Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro (Bull)

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an opening....

(Applause! Applause!)

PHILIPPINES

Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth......

(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)

SAUDI ARABIA

Question: Ms Saudi Arabia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms Saudi: Well, I can say that male organs in Saudi are like thieves.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Saudi: Because they like to enter through the back door.....

(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)

MALAYSIA

Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft........ ......... ......... .

(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! )

SINGAPORE

Question: Ms Singapore, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over

(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)

INDIA

Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms India: Because it works Day and Night......

Rookie

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Bring to me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone

Golf ball sssssssssshhhhhhhhh

WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - -silence - -

HUSBAND: ????????

A father in need is a father indeed

Two friends billooo & tillooo went to school for appearing in English exam (5th standard). They had crammed an essay of "MY BEST FRIEND".
But unfortunately, in the question-paper it was written ...... write an essay on "MY FATHER"in just 30-45 words ..So billooo was utterly confused & nervous ...what to do!!!
Tillooo gave an idea . . . . Just write the essay my best friend & just keep on replacing the word friend with the father.....
So this was how billooo & tillooo wrote the essay "MY FATHER"......
Fathers & fathers are everywhere , but good fathers are very rare . I have so many fathers , but my best father is pyarelal. He is my neighbour. He often comes to my home & my mother likes him very much.
And the closing sentence of the essay was:
""A father in need is a father indeed""

Newton's 3 laws are like this

Law 1.Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.



Law 2. The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.



Law 3. For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.



Bonus Law 4. Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

Cow - Corporate

If you think cows are useful only to farmers or milkmen? You need a crash course in economics. See what it means for these corporate biggies...
INFOSYSism
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.
WIPROism
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.
DELLism
Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.
IBMism
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.
MICROSOFTism
You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.
INTELism
Microsoft makes horse shoes. You nail them to your cows & wonder why they don't run fast.
SUNism
You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.
ORACLEism
You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.
SAPism
You don't have a cow. You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.
APPLEism
You have a cow. You sell iMilk.
SONYism
You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk.
CITIBANKism
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.
HPism
You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.
GEism
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.
RELIANCEism
You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.
TATAism
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.

Bus Conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!











The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died

instantly the third time?? Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather

interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the
puzzle
once again. Still if you can't, then look below.........













think hard

























































































Answer:











During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!!

Specially 4 IT Professionals....JustHumour....

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'


The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'


'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.


'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'


'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'


The man below says, "You must be a project manager."


'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'


'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

.

No onsite..No Problem...!

In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager Visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, A Goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed Very Nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few Bananas.

Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they Were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same Food Bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with Your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to Me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the Jungle But... Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's Visa!!!


Moral of the story: "Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!"

Why I was fired

For the last company picnic, management had decided that, due to liability issues,

we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups.

Offshore team waiting for the ONSITE Coordinator

Sent by: Ramya

Source: FFO

Difference between appraisal and resignation

Difference

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

**********
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

**********
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

**********

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

**********

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

**********


Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"

Sent by : Mohana

Great STATEMENT-----Tooooooooo good

Forgiving or punishing
the terrorists
is left to God.
But,
fixing their appointment
with God
is our responsibility
- Indian Army

Updated statement for this IN S/W INDUSTRY........

Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility
- Tester

We all knew that..... but this one is damn good.
Forgiving or punishing
the Manager
is left to Client.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Client
is our responsibility
- Developer

A Letter - from teacher

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker. This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded , I has head ache problem due to migration. Still theclerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"

Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV

Girls!!!!!!

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!