Basically, Life is the Same!

20 years back - School bag.
Today - Office bag.

20 years back – Lekhak/Vidya Note book.
Today - HP/Ego Note book.

20 years back - Hero Ranger.
Today - Hero Honda.

20 years back - Half pants / Skirts / Suits
Today - Full pants / Skirts / Suits

20 years back - Playing with plastic car running on battery & remote.
Today - Playing with metal car running on petrol and gear.

20 years back - Scared of Teachers and exams.
Today - Scared of Bosses and targets.

20 years back - Wanting to be class topper.
Today - Wanting to be 'Employee of the month'.

20 years back - Annual exams.
Today - Annual Appraisals.

20 years back - Annual School Magazine.
Today - Company Annual Report.

20 years back - Pocket money.
Today - Salary.

20 years back - Waiting for Diwali crackers.
Today - Waiting for Diwali Bonus.

20 years back - Running after grades and prize cups.
Today - Running after incentives and promotions.

20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market.
Today - Craving for the latest gadget in the market

20 years back - Eager to watch the latest cartoon show
Today - Eager to watch the latest blockbuster

20 years back - Crush on class mate.
Today - Crush on colleague.

20 years back - Fruity.
Today - Brandy.

So, essentially nothing has changed Except the Age...!

Sent by: Mubina

Art of saying "Yes" !

Programmer to Team Leader:

"We can't do this proposed project. **CAN NOT**. It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can’t. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these types of projects."

Team Leader to Project Manager:

"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff that has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:

"This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager:

"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution."

Senior Level Manager to CEO:

"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in house training in this area to other staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances."

CEO to Client:

"This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame.

Sent by: Mohana Sundari

Casual Day at I.T company

A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.

Week 1

Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3

Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.

Week 6

Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8

Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9

Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14

Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18

Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20

Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued

Hard Selling-- At The Vatican!

The marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,

'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church. If you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders,

"That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed.

" Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened,

"We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's Prayer to all Catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million.

All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies,

"That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says,

"Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord ................but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals.

We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'.

Please, please consider it." And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.

"There is some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news .....

The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $ 500 million."

"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"Sadly" says the Pope, (pls scroll down)

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We would have to lose the Britannia Account!!!!!!!!!!!

Sent by: Mohan R

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

XXX: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

XXX: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

XXX: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

XXX: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

XXX: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

XXX: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

XXX: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

XXX: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

XXX: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

XXX: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

XXX: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

XXX: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

XXX: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

XXX: *faints*

Sent by: Mubina

Dont lie to your parents

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...... who lives with a girl roommate Smita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Smita and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Smita came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Kumar said ,'Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'
------------ --------- --------- ----
So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar
------------ --------- ---
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother :

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Smita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Smita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...
Love,
Mom.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother......

Sent by: Gowri Shankar

Big Hearted Husband

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, young lady!

"You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want divorce!"

The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened. You can't say I'm dishonest."

"Hmm, I don't know, well, it'll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig, you!"

The husband begins to tell his story . . . "While driving home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that at she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor thing practically devoured them.

Since she was very dirty I asked if she wanted to take a shower.

While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

The husband continues his story . . . . .

The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me:
"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?"

Sent by: Anand Padmanabhan

Ring Ring........

'Hello?'


'Hi honey.
This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?










'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.'










After a brief pause,










Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Gabe.'










'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now..'










Brief Pause.









'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'









'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'








A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.



'I did it, Daddy.'


'And what happened, honey?'






'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser And now she isn't moving at all!'










'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe?'










'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window And into the swimming pool..
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water Last week to clean it.


He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'










*****Long Pause*****











*****Longer Pause*****











*****Even Longer Pause*****










Then Daddy says,










'Swimming pool? ............










Is this 486-5731?
















No, I think you have the wrong number........

Sent by: Anand Padmanabhan

Face Value

An American, a British and an Indian went for a Trek one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while Enjoying their 'freedom. 'As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from Town appeared.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the British quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Indian covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on.

The American and the British asked the Indian why he covered his face rather than his private part. The Indian replied,



'I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize'.

Sent by: Anand Padmanabhan

Deforestation can lead to ...

Sent by: Uthaya Kumar