The Medical Profession Speaks out on the Financial Bail-Out Package

The allergists voted to scratch it, and the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the

administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

while the paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!" The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

the radiologists could see right through it, and the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the plastic surgeons said,

"This puts a whole new face on the matter." The podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas;

and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the proctologists left the decision up to the a**holes in Washington.

Sent by: Mr. Venkatraman

Indian - American

An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;

His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome. He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.

Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.

When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.

Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.

"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .

The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.

English Can Be Fun

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)


People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS

Management Consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:

"If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:"Okay. "

The young man parks the car,connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a da tabase and 60 Excel tables filled withlogarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers,"That' s correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?" The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are a Management Consultant from a top-notch

consultancy like McKinsey,etc. .".

How did you know?" asks the surprised young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd.

"First, you came here without being called.

Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, And

third, you don't understand anything about my business...

Now can I have my DOG back?"

Definitions - IT Organization

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly...

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

Sent by: Thiru

Davidson (inventor of Harley Davidson ) and God

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.

'Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '

Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'




God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension


2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much


4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust


5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!! !!


'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

Learn to pay attention.

First-year students at Texas A & M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a real dead pig.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them,

'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his finger in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention…'

Sent by: Thangaraj