Life ke funde...hilarious...!!!

"U love someone U marry someone else.. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id" --------------- There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it. There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it. --------------- Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects... --------------- Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife the kidney. If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver manages with other kidney. --------------- Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge. --------------- What's the diff between Dava & Daru? Dava is like a girlfriend, that comes with an expiry date and Daru is like a wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi. --------------- Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain? Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai. --------------- The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

Sent by: Teena

A Software Professional in Hell...!!!

One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to hell. Politician said "I miss my country. I want to call my country and see how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call???? The devil says "Five million dollars". The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair. ------------------------ Thief was so jealous! s, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the my group members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call???? The devil says "Ten million dollars". With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair. --------------------- Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call my IT friends too", He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call???? The devil says "Twenty dollars". Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??" Devil says - - - - " Calling hell to hell is local Call!!! "

Sent by: Priya

Never Argue With Kids

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother.”I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.” Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘that’s Michael. He’s a doctor.’”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher. She’s dead.”

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”"Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”A little fellow shouted, “Because your feet aren’t empty.”

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all You want. God is watching the apples!”

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A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.

”Wow, Miss Collins!” one child exclaimed. “You look really different without your glasses on !”Another child piped up, “I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!”

Sent by: Thangaraj

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 01P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.

Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed.

At 09 P.M . He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
- 'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'